I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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