If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
