Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
