If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
