It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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