Im at strip club and am horny
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
