YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
