I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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