and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
