You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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