is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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