I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
