I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
