my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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