Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
