i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
