omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
