Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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