Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
