Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
