This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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