so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
