I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
