We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i think i have two assholes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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