im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
