I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
