There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
