She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
