I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
