I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
