my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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