How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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