fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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