I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
