guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
