Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
