i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
