One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
