Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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