if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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