Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
