kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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