Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
