If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
