honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
