coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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