that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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