yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize