Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
