She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
