pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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